Why I’m Single
12.07.12 / High on emirates / 13 Comments
She’s big personality, confident, successful, ambitious, educated, I believe fairly good looking, etc … But yeah why?!
Is it too late? Hell no
I honestly believe that labeling a single woman who’s in her late 20s or 30s as a spinster is no longer relevant. Am I single by choice? I’d say absolutely yes. In any case, this piece of thought is general and not specifically about me. Trust me, there are thousands of Emarati women out there who have decided to wisely wait and not ride the first train stop. Ironically, as women i.e. not the alpha male , we have been taught from a very young age that once the train passes by, you either jump or kiss it goodbye. Not to forget, our eggs are wasted and yeah we’ll no longer be fertile. Exactly, women in the Arab world are pressurized by a brutally judgmental society to marry, produce few dozens, nurture till death knocks their doors.
What I find extremely bizarre is the way that our society keeps promoting a very outdated rationale about why women aren’t getting married as quickly as they used to do. Here is the magic word and obviously number one (promoted) reason of growing spinsters in our societies tarararaaa “dowry” or as we say almahar. I have to say, I beg to differ! Why blame it on the dowry? It is not the high dowry that keeps many women in the UAE or other Arab societies single, not at all. But its actually the fact that we women have now unlimited opportunities and our lives – thankfully – don’t only revolve around men.
Just to be clear, YES, we do fancy men and we love having conversations with them in whatever professional environment (especially the good looking ones hehe JK!). And, I’m not saying that we’re no longer interested in having our own families and loving partners, we do, but unfortunately it is not enough. I’m sorry to break the news … Women in the Emarati society have changed and progressed along with the nation’s growth. Many knowledgeable women aging between late 20s and early 30s are very hesitant to jeopardize their freedom or give up their time for mediocre lifetime partners. Women are now artists, entrepreneurs, volunteers, academics, ministers and technically do run the world. And yes, finding compatible future husbands who can comprehend our growing ambition can actually be a bit challenging and sometimes time consuming.
I sincerely want to encourage men to humbly take some quality time to recognize and positively understand the changing psychology of women. I’d like to confirm that this specific class of women in the Emarati society isn’t trying to revolt against any customs or act tough or superior. Women are very keen to capitalize on given opportunities in a way that benefits their agendas and people. Their progressive and big personalities shouldn’t been seen as threat or negative trend among men.
My mother had probably given birth to her 10th child before hitting 35 and I salute her for putting so much effort to first staying sane and second raising my siblings and myself at her best. But, I personally have decided to carry on a different path in life because the dynamics of the society have changed. Today I can choose to be whatever I want to be whenever I feel like, I have options. Being a mature single woman is so empowering especially in a male dominant society that is now being introduced to a whole new wave of powerful, independent and beautiful women.
I’m single until further notice, and only I will decide when to give out the notice!
First of all, i have been waiting for 2 years now for this article, its very well writen and makes sense; however, there are some points you have to understand. I agree with whatever you stated above. It is true, today women have prooved to be capable of everything a man can do. They make good money, they are business owners, some have higly influential positions in government and businesses like the Al Olyan group in saudi, which is runned by a female CEO.
Marriage is tough, its not easy, it shouldnt be run into quick, because this is happening alot we see lots divorces because of how families push thier sons and daughers to marry at a young age. Also, another reason is because the working woman today wont accept the typical khaleeji mentality of women staying at home and cooking and getting into the “come to daddy in the dark senario”. Time has changed everything lets just hope to the better.
One thing i have to disagree with you is the dowry, its not only the dowry. I myself have spoken to many khaleejies around saudies, kuwaities, qataries, emaraties the moderate who have good exposure all complain about the oost of marrage. Before, it used to be simple just a hand shake, sign a paper, and start life. Today there is dowry, there is the sex and the city dresses for the occasions, there is the 2 month honey moon package. Think of it most of my friends started their lives with 2M debt!!! who wants to start a life like that?
whose to blame? honestly i will say id blame certain families who are considered to everyone as role models. They have really blown it out of proportion. Note: Fazza3 does a new beard the next thing you know all of dubai is have the same style.
islamicly speaking marriage shouldnt be this way at all no matter how rich or poor the person is.
good post please do keep it up
thanks
Yousif
Thanks Yousif. I agree with your points that some women are demanding and actually push it very far, but my objective of the above is to actually highlight simply why women especially those who wish to build on opportunities are single and its not really a horrible thing to be one out of choice
Thanks for the article, I find there is a general concept that I presume you took the majority of men in your judgment but I would like to know your opinion about the other type and how they treat their wives. I think this is subjective, you have highlighted these issues but didn’t talk about what will motivate women these days to find the right man. Because this will help people to explore their issues and perhaps look for a change, which I personally feel should be highlighted in the article.
I know an example in real life for a local family: There is a man, he is giving his family his highest priority, wife & kids always comes first before anyone and anybody else. He is giving his wife the choice and freedom, supporting her career and her business. He broke all the rules known to guys.
When he established a business he asked her to join him as a business partner, he didn’t trust partners he allowed his wife to run the business with him. They attended meetings together, he introduced her to his friends and his business partners, which is something uncommon in our society. This was very astonishing to many, a known local magazine conducted an interview for both of them. Dubai TV even requested to interview them. He helped her to establish her own company and he is supporting her. He treats her as his best friend as well. They are married for 13 years.
I have to say we need to more men like your friend across arabia
, and I totally believe that there are some good men out there who’ll be keen to empower their women and life partners. It was refreshing to read your comment. Thanks
I appreciate you for opening this important discussion and to enlighten people about this major issue affecting the society. We need to get more people to talk about this and share their opinions. Thank you and keep up the great work
Thank you for the post Alya.
I don’t know I have a simpler yet more fundamental answer to your question, “that man was not good enough for me, simple!”
To my experience some girls think in the manner as following:-
iam single because iam crazy i want a husband who will be my slave and i will treat him like pet dog.I want to marry a person who is clean shaved has zero Islamic and cultural values.He should be a smoker a drunkyard and druggist but he should not be a true Muslim with long beard, even if he kicks me out.He should do all haram activities that will make him Modern.I think modern is one who has got muslim name but his work is like non-muslims.
This is the main reason for girls getting divorced ,being kicked away by their husband.
In the end marriage is a choice, even in islam a girl cannot be forced into it.
Not all girls have the same strength and not all men are flexible, yet.
The main point here is balance between a proffessional and personal life.
Well written
*aplauses*
Just came across this article. We are having this phenomenon as Muslim Americans as well. But I find that marriage does not necessarily force women into a life of mediocrity. Quite the opposite–my husband has encouraged me in work, education, and Islamic activisim. Do you think that the men who will encourage a successful woman are too few? Do you think it’s a problem that women are getting married later, or do you think men need to change their mindset?
Masha’Allah you write beautifully.
Very well written
But that is your opinion and life experience through men, you may have a deep secret experience that you may not want to marry and be single forever, and you have the right to not say it. However, no women in this world wants to be lonely, women need is unlimited specially making love not only cute conversations. Yes, I do agree that life changed in the Arab region and women have lots of opportunity to seek her life, but I do disagree that no women wants to live her life alone with no Mate but.
I asked 2 single women in age of 40, they both reply that it was they’re fault of not getting married at different stage of life wether in age of 20′s or 30′s. The reason was they were scared of challenging marriage life and to raise children.
Marriage is a love sacrifice were you find the best for the marriage.
It is just my point of view, please take it as an audience participation.
Thank you for your article Alya.
Haitham
أعتقد بأن بعض التبريرات تصنف ضمن الحرية الشخصيةالتي تصل إلى الغرور أو (العجز) وليست ضمن التحليل العلمي وإلا اعتبرت سخيفة على القياس. اتعبار نجاح المرأة سبب من أسباب انشغالها عن الزواج هو سخف، كيف لك أن تعطلي دور مثل دور الأم وهو دور اجتماعي وبيولوجي وديني لا يمكن مجابهته بأي من (المبررات) الواردة أعلاه؟
هناك نقطة مهمة أيضاً، عندما يعجز الإنسان عن تحقيق شيء، فإنه يبدأ في وضع تحليلات وأسباب ليقنع نفسه بعدم حاجته إليه.
في النهاية، هذا رأيك وقد عبرت عن رأي أيضاً.
Freedom? Most of u are slaves to ur moms aunts n cousins.